


the reason i'm alive

by lavenderet



Category: Persona 3, Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Post-Canon, Team Bonding, everyone who died is alive now, goro's found family :')
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26438629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderet/pseuds/lavenderet
Summary: “About that…” Ren says. Somewhere in the background, Hamuko can hear Aigis speaking calmly to whoever was at the door. She crosses out “thief” and “murderer” from her mental list of “things I need to deal with today”. “Well, I have something urgent to tell you.”Hamuko fiddles nervously with the hem of her shirt. “Something urgent?”“Yes, but... how should I put this…”The sound of brisk footfall, decidedly not Aigis’s heavy steel step, approaches the bedroom at such speed Hamuko reconsiders the murderer-thief theory, but it’s not a masked man who appears at the door— instead, a disheveled, weary-looking Goro materializes, Koromaru having trotted after him to do figure eights around his legs.Ren says finally, “If Goro shows up at your place at any point today, don’t freak out, okay?”At the behest of Ren, Goro spends a weekend in Tatsumi Port Island.
Relationships: Aigis/Female Persona 3 Protagonist, Akechi Goro & Aigis, Akechi Goro & Female Persona 3 Protagonist, Background Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 14
Kudos: 115





	the reason i'm alive

**Author's Note:**

> this is for the SEES goro gang. you all enable me
> 
> the timeline here is kind of nebulous— it could include pq2 canon, or be more accurate to the mainline canon timeline, but it's vague enough that you're free to imagine it as you like! this hc is a guilty pleasure of mine and i hope others can enjoy it as much as i do <3
> 
> also, check out my [ thread](https://twitter.com/nonnecheri/status/1283883854101483520?s=20) on why goroham should be friends. i am no longer asking

Someone is banging at the door. Hamuko’s waist-deep in sleep, boneless and barely coherent, and she doesn’t bother entertaining the thought that there might be a burglary until the distinct _click_ of Aigis’s barrel jolts her out of bed and onto the floor.

“Who-what?” The words come out as one instead of two, her mind struggling to recalibrate against the sun’s withering glare. When Aigis doesn’t respond, Hamuko pushes upright and discovers (shoving the curtains closed, squinting to adjust to the newfound darkness) that Aigis isn’t even in the room— probably already confronting the rude visitor-slash-thief-slash-murderer or whatever. 

“You’ve got to be—” She spits out the dog hair that had caught in her mouth somewhere between the bed and floor. “—kidding me.”

In that moment, her phone rings. The usual cheery Featherman ringtone is so shrill it sounds more like a death knell, and Hamuko slaps around for the blasted thing and answers it without checking the ID. “Yeah, hello?” 

“Uh, hey,” Ren’s voice comes through the receiver, “it’s me.”

His voice is like a jump-start to her brain; she stumbles to her feet and blurts, “Ren-kun! Hello! It’s, ah, kind of unusual for you to call so early in the morning…”

“About that…” Somewhere in the background, she can hear Aigis speaking calmly to whoever was at the door. Hamuko crosses out “thief” and “murderer” from her mental list of “things I need to deal with today”. “Well, I have something urgent to tell you.”

Hamuko fiddles nervously with the hem of her shirt. “Something urgent?”

“Yes, but... how should I put this…” 

The sound of brisk footfall, decidedly not Aigis’s heavy steel step, approaches the bedroom at such speed Hamuko reconsiders the murderer-thief theory, but it’s not a masked man who appears at the door— instead, a disheveled, weary-looking Goro materializes, Koromaru having trotted after him to do figure eights around his legs. 

Ren says finally, “If Goro shows up at your place at any point today, don’t freak out, okay?”

* * *

Hamuko very coolly doesn’t freak out. With some half-awake convincing, Goro sits rigidly in the living room with Aigis while Hamuko makes them breakfast, the phone huddled between her shoulder and ear. “I don’t understand… You’re saying you sent him _here?_ Why?” 

A sigh crackles through the receiver. “You see, Goro’s been really stressed out lately. I’m away on a business trip, and all the extra work from home and his job have been weighing on him. I figured a visit to friends would do him well.”

Hamuko turns the salmon over in the pan, watches it sizzle and brown. “I’m glad you’re thinking of him, Ren-kun, but what about Mona-chan?” 

“That’s taken care of; Ann showed up the other day to whisk him away. Goro wasn’t happy about it, but I figure some quality time with you two and the dog will cheer him up.” 

Hamuko grins, a splinter of excitement peaking through her voice when she says, “I’m sure it will! Goro-kun loves me, after all.” 

From the living room, Hamuko hears Goro wince.

It’s likely that Ren hears it, too, for he laughs in that knowing way of his. “You’ve always been good at bonding with him. Not that Souji _isn’t,_ but… I can tell Goro feels more comfortable around you. In any case, I had him pack a few days’ worth of clothes. It’s up to you or him how long he stays, but just to be safe…”

“It’s no problem. He can stay forever if he wants!”

“I do not want that,” Goro says, just loud enough for Ren to be able to catch it. 

Ren sighs. Hamuko can almost picture the way he shakes his head, exasperated yet fond. “Well, anyways. The rest is in your hands. Thanks for doing this for me— I’ll pay you back somehow.” 

“No, don’t! I’m doing this for me, too.” Hamuko is careful not to drop her phone into the pan as she plates the salmon and slices it in thirds. “I missed Goro-kun a lot. So consider this payment already.” She grins at Goro, who turns his face away with a groan. 

Ren’s relief is palpable. “That means a lot to me, seriously. I’ll text back asking about him later.”

Before Hamuko can properly say goodbye, Goro stalks over and snatches the phone from her, growling into the receiver. “I’m not some _pet_ you need to check up on every hour. Save your worries for the business trip.” 

“Yeah, yeah…” Ren mumbles something else, something that makes Goro grit his teeth and punch “end” on the call. Hamuko pouts at him.

“Why did you hang up? I wasn’t finished.” 

“You really think he has anything of substance to say to you? I was doing you a favor.” His huffiness is diminished by the dog toy currently cradled underneath his arm, Koromaru staring it down with an intensity reserved for Shadows and Shinji’s dinners.

Hamuko, of course, is unruffled. “He mentioned that you were stressed.” 

Goro crosses his arms, huffs away a loose lock of hair. “I am _not_ stressed.”

Koromaru woofs. Aigis duly translates: “Koromaru-san says you’re lying.”

“Remind me why you keep her around again?” Goro asks, his ears positively steaming.

“Because we’re dating,” Hamuko answers solemnly, and Goro’s expression falls flat.

“Ah, yes. How could I forget.”

He couldn’t have, considering Aigis forwards pictures of them to SEES every other week, and SEES happens to unofficially include Goro. Not that he even seems to be aware of that, but he always responds to each image with, “Lovely photo,” which at some point starts to feel shallow but to Hamuko means the world. 

So Hamuko takes no offense and ruffles his hair, withdrawing before he can bite, then assembles the rest of their breakfast. Aigis and Goro settle at the chabudai while Hamuko distributes each component of their meal: the salmon, the rice, the natto and nori. Koromaru moves to sit patiently at Goro’s side, pleading with his eyes and tail.

“Koromaru-san, this is for you,” Aigis says, placing a dish of salmon and rice beside Goro’s own. Goro lofts a brow in bewilderment.

“I was wondering who the third plate was for. Does he really eat at the table like the rest of us?” 

“Koro-chan deserves that respect,” Hamuko says, “considering he fought with us in SEES. He’s protected me more times than I can count.”

“Mhm. Who he is has no bearing on how we treat him,” Aigis says. “He may be an animal to others, but to us, he is a valued ally. It is okay for that disparity to exist, as they can’t fully reconcile, but it does not change what he has done for us.” Aigis finishes her explanation with a smile, and Koromaru yelps as if in agreement, the sound making Goro flinch— but soon, the shock on his face melts into something half-pleased, matching Koromaru’s own satisfaction.

“I see…” He reaches out and pats the space between Koromaru’s ears tentatively. “Even a dog can gain the respect of humans, I suppose.”

Although the words are callous, his affection is unmistakable; Hamuko watches this interaction with bemusement before she interrupts, partway through chewing a mouthful of salmon. “What were you thinking of doing here, Goro-kun? It’s not as impressive as Tokyo, but me and Aigis can show you around a bit…” 

“… Who knows.” Goro doesn’t look up from Koromaru, even as she addresses him. 

Aigis, free of the burdens of eating, can keep her focus entirely on him. “What do you do in your free time, Akechi-san?”

“Free time?” He nearly scoffs. “I don’t have—”

Hamuko pulls on his cheek. “Stop lying.”

Goro huffs. He looks faintly petulant, an expression Hamuko’s always happy to draw out of him for its puppy-like cuteness. His baby face really does him no favors. “If there’s something we _must_ do, I’m partial to sightseeing. But I have work I brought here with me, so let’s not waste time.”

“Work? I thought this was supposed to be a vacation,” Hamuko complains.

“I don’t do vacations,” Goro spits, with completely unnecessary force.

Aigis raises her arms, chambers loaded, and points them in his direction. “You will not do any work under my watch.”

“Fuck, okay! Just— put your guns away, Jesus.” 

Hamuko giggles, waving her chopsticks at Goro. “I thought you weren’t scared of guns.”

Mumbled under his breath: “I wasn’t scared.”

“I’m sorry if I startled you, Akechi-san,” Aigis says genuinely, and Hamuko watches as Goro’s face contorts underneath the weight of her apology. Sweet, understanding Aigis, always with a hawk-eyed focus on people’s emotions, takes any perceived slight very, very seriously. Hamuko adores her and all of her dedication to human nuance. “I truly wish that you can rest during your stay here. Not only did Amamiya-san give us this responsibility, but it’s my personal desire, as well.”

Goro scrunches up his nose. “ _Your_ personal desire.”

“Humans are not built to be dedicated machines,” Aigis says simply, and her word choice is not lost on either of them. “Also, Hamuko is very adept at ‘having fun’.”

“That’s pushing it…” Hamuko feels a bit sheepish at the praise. She’s quick to redirect the subject: “It’s only truly fun when you’re around others, I think.” 

“Hmph. You lot sound like Ren,” Goro says, not bitterly, which is… a feat. 

She wants to know why. “Because we love our friends?” Hamuko asks, and recognizes the look of someone who is so deeply in denial of their own loneliness that her heart aches to see it. It’s like she’s sixteen again, wandering a frozen city of coffins, bereft of happiness and fear alike.

But she notes the line of tension in Goro’s shoulders and clears her throat, polishing her plate of the last bits of salmon. “Um, sorry. Just forget I said that. Let’s get you settled in,” she says, and sets her chopsticks down with a clack. 

* * *

Goro’s guest room is technically a storage room, but it serves its purpose well enough. Shadow Operatives equipment line the shelves, Aigis’s old weaponry stuffed in unassuming containers that any unfortunate thief would pass out upon thoroughly inspecting. They’re artifacts of a bygone era; though the Shadow Operatives still technically exist, they haven’t had any major operations in around a year, and still, yet, Goro observes these artifacts keenly.

“Does something here pique your interest?” Aigis questions, standing with searching eyes by the door. 

Goro, looking rather like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar, seals the lid over one of the containers and frowns. “My apologies. Arisato-san said I could look.”

“Why don’t you call her Hamuko? She would be happy if you did.” Aigis steps into the room, finding a futon already rolled out at the center, Goro’s suitcase opened and revealing both his laptop and work binder. She narrows her eyes at them, and Goro heaves a sigh.

“I won’t touch them, so stop with that look.” He stands and begins to skim the contents of the shelves. “… You know, it’s a shame these are left to collect dust once they’ve outlived their usefulness. Don’t you think they can be put to work elsewhere?”

“Maybe so,” Aigis says. “But they’ve had their time; I think they deserve some respite, at least.” 

Goro is silent for a moment. Then, he looks at her with eyes made of weathered steel. “How can you live like this? Knowing you were once a seasoned soldier, but are now reduced to a life of naught but domesticity? You weren’t just any soldier, either— you were a living, speaking weapon, designed with intent to kill.” 

Aigis can feel her body tingle, an emotion she has long learned to label “anxiety”. “Is it wrong to live the way I am?” 

“You can’t possibly mean you’ve never missed who you used to be.” 

Something stirs at the back of her mind, sobering words from days forgotten: _I wish I could return to being a mere machine._ And at that moment, she sees herself reflected in the man across from her, his desperation for an answer hanging from his every movement. 

It makes her body run cold. “… Akechi-san, I—” 

“Hey, guys!” Hamuko pops her head in, Koromaru waggling excitedly by her toes, and Aigis jolts at the noise. Goro is more prepared; he turns toward Hamuko with a neutral gaze, fixing a smile on his face, by all means unbothered. 

“Arisato-san. Did something happen?”

If Hamuko notices Aigis’s fraught expression, she draws no attention to it. “There’s people here to see you,” she says to Goro, and Goro’s smile drops.

“Who on earth would want to see me?”

It’s Yukari and Fuuka, as it turns out, carrying gift bags in the crooks of their elbows. Fuuka says, “I’m glad to see you’re well, Akechi-kun!” and thrusts her gifts forward, giggling when Goro peeks in and forgets to shut his jaw at what he sees.

“Yamagishi-san, what is—?”

“I remember you mentioned an interest in aromatherapy, so me and Yukari-chan went to pick something out for you. Oh, don’t use them around Mona-chan, though!” 

“I… see.” He seems unable to summon his usual practiced pleasantries, so instead, he nods and tucks the gifts gingerly under his arm. Yukari steps forward next, hands him her present: a neatly-wrapped box of who-knows-what, nestled alongside a themed set of perfumes.

“It’s this season’s special edition blu-ray; I even had it autographed,” Yukari whispers, and follows it up with a wink. “Just like you asked.”

Goro flushes a kind of red that Aigis has never seen on him before. “Not in front of everyone, please,” he says through gritted teeth, snatching the box from her. Still, even with his nose turned up in disgust, the flush on his face tints pink as if with happiness, and Aigis only knows this because she’s seen it on Hamuko at buffets and food stalls. 

While Yukari and Goro engage in a heated debate about the goings-on of an actor Aigis is unfamiliar with, Fuuka toes off her shoes at the genkan. “May we come in?” she asks Hamuko.

“Of course, of course!” Hamuko grabs her hand and pulls her forward. “Let’s all catch up. I have your favorite flavor of pretzel snacks.”

Fuuka sees the tomato-flavored pretzel sticks opened on the chabudai and winces. “I think that’s your favorite flavor of pretzels, Hamuko-chan.”

“Eh? Really?” 

The girls all squeeze together on the loveseat while Goro sits on a chair across, Aigis and Koromaru standing aside so she has a wider perspective of the room. Back then, it would have been to scan for potential dangers; now, it’s to catch every smile, every laugh, every small twitch or frown or darting away of the eyes. _You like people-watching,_ Ren told her once, during a rather crowded group outing at Inaba. _Just like our Yusuke. It’s nice to learn things about other people, huh?_

But she knows a lot about Hamuko, about Yukari, about Fuuka. She knows their tells and their hobbies and has seen them at their worst. But Goro— Goro, she watches with a curiosity kindled by their earlier conversation. _How could you live like this?_ he’d asked.

As Goro fumbles through the girls’ lively chatter with a grace no longer familiar to him, Aigis finally realizes what he meant. He hadn’t meant to ask her. He’d meant to ask himself.

“It was nice to see you all again!” Yukari chirps, once the four have talked for the better half of an hour. The other half had been occupied by failed attempts to teach Koromaru new tricks at the expense of their pretzel sticks. “Oh, and say hi to Amamiya-kun for us, would you?”

“I’ll try my best to remember,” Goro answers flatly, but honestly nonetheless.

It’s only a few moments later when the doorbell rings with another visitor. Goro, badgered from hiding by Hamuko, bats away her grasping hands and opens the door.

“Akechi-kun,” Mitsuru says on the other side, accompanied by Akihiko and Junpei. “We heard from Hamuko that you were staying over.”

“How many people has she told?” Goro grumbles, and when Junpei opens his mouth to answer, Goro raises a hand and bites out, “Don’t answer that. I already know.” 

Mitsuru chuckles, sparing affectionate glances for both Aigis and Hamuko before her attention swivels back to Goro. “Unfortunately, we’re only here to pass by,” she says, and begins to rummages through her purse. Soon, she surfaces with a wad of cash, and this she hands to Goro. “For you. I didn’t have the time to think of an appropriate present… Consider this compensation for all the birthdays and anniversaries I’ve missed.”

Goro adopts the look of a deer in the headlights: shoulders tensing, eyes wide and flitting rapidly between her and the proffered money. “That’s nonsense. I know how busy you are.” He nudges her hand back with a scowl. “I’m not so down on my luck that I need to accept handouts.”

“This isn’t a handout. Simply a show of appreciation.” She flips her hair over her shoulder and stares him down, authoritative air nearly rivalling his own. “Spend it on something nice, okay?” 

Hamuko marches up and shoves the money into Goro’s pocket before he can muster a complaint, smiling toothily. “Thank you, Mitsuru!” she sing-songs.

“Of course. And Akechi-kun, give me a call tomorrow. Maybe we can play a round of chess,” Mitsuru offers. 

Junpei butts in: “But not before grabbing ramen with me! Look, I got enough promotion tickets for the both of us.” He proceeds to wave a pair of coupons in Goro’s face.

Goro looks like he would rather do anything but, but nods politely anyway. Akihiko speaks up last. “As for me, I’ll be training at the gym most hours if you’re up for a sparring match. Hamuko knows the one; I’ve been itching for a new partner.”

“I do know the one! Hmm,” Hamuko feigns a look of pensiveness, “maybe I’ll even join you two.” 

Goro shakes his head, starts to say something— Aigis notes with great fascination that he’s not immune to speechlessness— then ultimately decides against it. He stands aside as Hamuko chats animatedly with the trio at the door, slipping the cash from his pocket and leafing through each bill. His eyes widen fractionally, mouth parting to suck in a halted breath. 

“This is 50,000 yen,” he mutters breathlessly.

“You could visit an onsen,” Aigis says, not because she wants to visit an onsen or anything.

Goro sends her an incredulous look. “Are you kidding me? It’s more than just a visit to an onsen. One could fly across the ocean with this money.”

“Do you want to fly across the ocean?” Aigis asks. Her question is met with sullen silence. 

Eventually, Mitsuru and the others excuse themselves, and with them, Goro goes too. He shuts himself in his room and appears to take a nap (at least, as far as her sensors can tell) and doesn’t emerge even after Hamuko calls him for lunch. Aigis slides the door to his room open, sticks her head in to peek. Goro lays sound asleep in his futon, Koromaru curled up at his side.

“All those visitors must have exhausted him,” Hamuko says, looking over Aigis’s shoulder with an apologetic smile. “I don’t think he can tell the difference between real or faked affection.”

“That would make two of us,” Aigis murmurs, and when Hamuko’s arms snake around her waist, Aigis reaches up and clasps her hand over Hamuko’s locked ones. “He reminds me of myself. So much so, it’s almost painful to look at. Masayoshi Shido thought of him as a tool— a machine meant to carry out his will. For a long time, all he’s known is how to kill.”

Hamuko hums and nuzzles the crook of her neck. “But that’s not true anymore, is it? For both of you. You’re more than what your makers say you are.” Her hands unclasp to slowly make their way up toward Aigis’s sternum, right over where her Papillon Heart beats. “This is proof of that. You’re _human._ And neither of you are alone anymore.”

“… I could say the same thing to you.” Aigis cranes her neck to look at her. “I made a vow to protect you. So, please, tell me your true feelings on this.”

A rueful smile creeps up Hamuko’s face. “You’re getting better at reading people, huh? Fine. To be honest, Goro-kun reminds me of myself too. For a long time before I met our friends, I didn’t care about anything. About anyone.” She lowers her eyes until they are partly shadowed by her bangs. “The thing is, I changed. _He_ can change, too. I just want to show him…”

Her voice catches in her throat. Aigis turns in Hamuko’s hold so she can cup her face between her palms, the skin warm and _alive_ and everything Aigis once yearned for. “Akechi-san is already changing. He just needs the right push.”

Hamuko gazes at her hopefully. “You think so?”

“Yes. And I have a feeling his stay here will be instrumental in causing that.” 

* * *

Goro wakes to the smell and sound of a bubbling pot of curry, his nose twitching at the distinct, spice-laden pungency. The tempting scent leads him to the kitchen, where Hamuko stands alongside another man— Shinjiro Aragaki?— as she stirs the pot and hums a happy tune. Koromaru is nowhere to be seen; though he was at Goro’s side during his nap, he disappeared somewhere along the way, leaving his side cold upon awakening. It made Goro, truth be told, a little grumpy.

“Akechi-san!” He whips around at the voice, remarkably familiar in its youth— and yet— 

“Ken-kun?” Goro can’t help the surprise that leaks in his expression. Ken has gotten much, much taller in the years they’ve been apart, his usual soft tenor pitched deeper, though his face retains the same childish eagerness Goro remembers. At his side, Koromaru sits with perked ears and dilated eyes. Only then does Goro realize what Ken is holding.

Koromaru yips at Ken, and Ken turns to give him a little pat. “Not yet. I was going to ask Akechi-san first.”

Goro raises a brow. “Ask me what?” 

“I was going to ask,” Ken repeats, then waves around Koromaru’s harness and leash, “if you wanted to go on a walk with us.”

From the kitchen, Hamuko lets out a gasp, then drops the ladle in the pot and rushes over, ignoring Shinjiro’s cry of distress. “I just had the greatest idea! Why don’t we have a picnic at the shrine? You, me, Aigis, Shinji-kun, and Ken-kun!”

“You splattered the damn curry everywhere!” Shinjiro groans, wiping up the mess with a napkin. “If you really want to go on a picnic, help me finish cooking and pack these in bentos.” 

Hamuko, looking chastened, slinks away to do as Shinjiro asks. Goro, meanwhile, collapses on the couch nearby to give Ken a once-over. “… You look… well,” he finishes lamely. For some reason, he can’t inject even a mite of the bitterness he always employs, some part of him (the distant, calculating one that is determined to make enemies of everyone) drained at the sight of Ken: a victim of the same vengeful fury that once kept (and maybe still keeps) Goro in a chokehold.

Ken, though, is unaffected by his steely scrutiny. He smiles and takes a seat next to Goro, trailed by Koromaru who leaps up to take residence on both their laps. “Honestly, I’ve been swamped with work lately. But when I heard you were at Tatsumi Port Island, I just had to see you. I don’t know why… Maybe I just wanted you to see how much I’ve changed.”

Something in Goro’s chest wrings impossibly tight at that, but he distracts himself from it by changing topics. “And what of Aragaki-san?”

“Hm? Oh, I’m not so sure myself. I think… he just wants to make sure you’re eating well.” He laughs a little to himself. “Actually, he dragged me around the supermarket so that he could make something good when he got here. It’s the same thing he does with me, sometimes.” 

Goro scoffs. “There’s no need to worry about me. Ren keeps us properly fed at home.” 

The smile on Ken’s face turns bashful. “Right. How is, um, Amamiya-san?” 

_God._ Has he really gone shy at the mention of Goro’s romantic partner? That’s one trait they don’t share; Ken wears his heart on his sleeve. “He’s as chipper as ever,” Goro deadpans. “In fact, he’s the one who enjoined me to come here.”

“He did? And what made you accept?”

Startlingly, Goro finds himself without an answer. It couldn’t be anything as straightforward as Ken’s reason— Goro doesn’t think he’s changed much in the grand scheme of things, only plodded along the same shit route he’s been doomed to since escaping death. But then… 

… No. He shakes it off. It couldn’t be anything so maudlin as a desire for company, right?

Withholding a sigh, Goro pinches the bridge of his nose and says, “I think that’s enough about me,” and adamantly ignores the disappointment that washes over Ken’s face. He looks around— at Hamuko tossing panko crumbs at Shinjiro’s cheek, at Koromaru panting quietly on his lap, at Ken’s tender eyes and careful hand sifting through the fur of Koromaru’s neck— and realizes someone is missing. “Where’s Aigis-san?” he asks. 

“Aigis is chilling at the balcony,” Hamuko answers cheerfully, still relentless in her assault on Shinjiro. Shinjiro has taken hold of the ladle and is threatening to pour curry in her hair. 

As promised, when Goro glances toward the balcony, Aigis is there, staring out into the endless expanse of the island, her chin rested gently on her palm. Something in her expression makes a strange taste rise in Goro’s throat, everything they’d said to each other earlier bubbling like bodies to the surface.

_Is it wrong to live the way I am?_

_You can’t possibly mean you’ve never missed who you used to be._

He was angry at her, then; rightfully so, in his opinion. He saw her armor and her artillery and every reminder of her identity packed away in storage boxes while she turned a blind eye, laughed and smiled and looked at her friends with such fond eyes, almost as if she was never a machine in the first place— never a weapon with one purpose, one single-minded mission that, when accomplished, would render her practically useless. 

How did living come so easy to _her_ when she should have never rightfully inherited emotions in the first place? Why did she choose to bear the burden, when she could’ve lived in blissful ignorance as a machine? He would’ve given up his emotions without a second thought. But Aigis was much stronger than him— _is_ much stronger than him. And the admission weighs bitter and heavy on his tongue like an unripe fruit.

“Akechi-san,” Ken murmurs, noticing his preoccupation. “Is something the matter?” 

Goro wants to deny it, even curse at the thought. He doesn’t. He mulls over it, then settles for a half-truth. “It’s difficult to get used to Aigis-san.”

“Oh, because of her appearance?” Ken looks like he’s stifling a wry smile. “A lot of people think the same when they find out she’s a robot. It’s weird for them to see her act like a normal girl while still being made of metal.”

“But would they be wrong in thinking that?” Goro retorts.

“Hmm. Maybe not,” Ken shrugs, “but it’s different for me. When you’ve seen who Aigis-san really is, and watched her transform the way I have… of course it’s weird to see people treat her like a robot. I mean, she really did become human in the end, didn’t she?”

Goro thinks of the way he left Aigis in the storage room— her eyes downcast, her lip trembling as if suppressing tears he didn’t know she could have. “I wouldn’t know.”

Before Ken can answer that, Hamuko bursts out of the kitchen, declaring something about fetching and dressing Aigis for the weather. Shinjiro appears not long after, carrying a basket filled with Hamuko’s choice snacks and bentos of their dinner. 

“Are you two ready?” he asks gruffly, then turns his head toward Goro. His icy glare belies his true intentions: this way, Goro assumes, he can assess Goro’s mood without the appearance of concern. And honestly, Goro appreciates it more than he’s willing to admit. 

“… Good to see you,” Shinjiro finally says, some of the strain lifted off of his voice. Goro doesn’t know why that small slip of warmth makes his heart twist into knots. “I’m guessing that Ren is finally feeding you something other than curry? You ought to learn to cook on your own— you can’t expect him to do the work all the time, y’know.” 

“If your intention is to bar me from curry, you’ve already failed,” Goro says, privately smug at Shinjiro’s resulting blush. “And don’t patronize me— I’ve already started taking classes.”

“Huh. Really.” Shinjiro, the edges of his frown lessening a bit, turns his lips up in a smirk. “Well, good to hear. You’re 21 years old, damn it, it was about time.” 

Goro scowls, but the comeback he’d prepared is cut short by the sound of the balcony door opening and Aigis slipping out, quiet as a mouse. She’s currently covering herself with a scarf and coat Hamuko lent her, wrapping away all the seams and edges that could possibly hint at her mechanical nature. She looks almost human, like this.

Their gazes meet. Aigis blinks once, and Goro’s mouth runs dry. 

“Ready, everyone?” Hamuko pipes, dissolving the strange tension, and once everyone is bundled up and put to rights, they make their way out of the apartment and into the winter chill.

Expectedly, it’s near-dark outside; snow lines their way toward the shrine, soft and deceptively powdery. Goro pulls slightly behind the group as they walk along the street, Koromaru trotting alongside Ken, Ken and Shinjiro making small talk, Hamuko and Aigis holding hands. It turns out the leash was simply a formality, as it drags behind Koromaru like a useless limb, leaving a tricky obstacle for people who aren’t watching their feet. 

“It’s for when he sees other dogs,” Hamuko answers, when Goro asks about it. “Females, especially. Urgh.” She shudders like she’s reliving a nasty memory. Then, she pivots around and holds her free hand out to Goro, eyes inquisitive and smile light. “Why are you walking so far behind? Come closer— I want to talk with you.” 

Goro’s expression twists (in what way, he isn’t sure) and with haste, he pushes past her. “Fine. Maybe if your conversational skills weren’t so juvenile…”

“You don’t like talking to me?” Hamuko pulls out the puppy-dog eyes, and it would work, if she hadn’t already used it in the past to drain half of his wallet. He’s not so weak-willed anymore. 

“I can literally feel my brain cells melt away.” But he slows his gait enough that Hamuko and Aigis can catch up to him. For the rest of the trip, they walk in step with each other.

Hamuko is regaling him with tales of her ventures at Tartarus when they arrive at the shrine, Aigis hurriedly laying claim to the benches despite there being no other living soul present. Hamuko sidles right up to Goro’s shoulder as they sit to eat; Ken takes up his other shoulder, leaving barely any room to lift his chopsticks. They elbow each other every two minutes and Goro is sure Hamuko spills rice and nori on his coat, but in the encroaching cold of winter, his body’s the warmest it’s ever been, and his throat feels full of cotton.

How long have they been talking now? Maybe an hour or so. Goro can’t remember what it’s about, but he’s never heard Shinjiro laugh before, never knew Ken had so many stories to tell. Never seen _any_ of them so happy, so sure that they belong here— 

And he’s never seen Aigis smile like that. She smiles like she has everything she needs, right here. It makes him so viscerally sick, sick of everything, sick of himself. 

“You know,” Ken says, after their bentos are thoroughly demolished, “it’s been a while since I’ve climbed a jungle gym.” His eyes gleam under the sparse lamplight. “You want to join?” 

Goro crosses one leg over the other. “You can, but I think I’ll remain here for a while.” 

Ken frowns. “… All right. Suit yourself.”

He sets out for the playground, and the others tag along, leaving Goro and Koromaru alone. Koromaru looks satisfied in the way any overfed pet would look— panting blithely, completely unwilling to budge, eyes squinted and unalert. Goro can’t help but smirk, all the tension from earlier unwinding until his hand finds its way to Koromaru’s head.

“Your life is so goddamn simple, isn’t it?” 

Koromaru nudges at his hand, and Goro chuckles, petting the space between his eyes. “Honestly, I should be disgusted. But you were born different than I… I can’t fault you for that.” 

Koromaru just looks expectantly at him. Goro’s laughter fades, turns his face into something pensive. “I wonder what must have happened to you for you to find your resolve. What caused you to fight so fiercely…”

“Would you like to know, Akechi-san?”

Goro doesn’t jump, but it certainly comes close to it. “… Aigis-san.” 

“Are you unhappy to see me?” Aigis asks, settling down beside him. When Goro refuses to answer, she continues gently, “You wanted to know about Koromaru-san’s past.”

Goro carefully avoids meeting her gaze. “I suppose I am a little curious.” 

“Hmm. In truth, his story isn’t that different from all of ours. His owner was a monk of the shrine who died in an accident. Koromaru-san waited for his master to return, though he never would, and protected the shrine in the meantime. This included from Shadows in the Dark Hour.” 

Goro clicks his tongue. “That dog was abandoned, plain and simple.” He glances sidelong at her. “Still— you took him in.”

“We’ve all lost someone dear to us. Koromaru-san is just the same. Because of that fact, we are like family to each other,” Aigis says.

Goro pauses to study her. She wears the stoic look he imagines are characteristic of all androids, but it’s tinged with a sympathy that, by all laws of logic, should not apply to her. He’s known for a while that those emotions are well and truly hers, not some program’s; he just can’t fathom its conception. “I thought _you_ didn’t lose anyone,” Goro says contrarily. 

Aigis’s lashes lower. “… I did, for a while.” Her eyes search the park, as if seeking to ensure Hamuko’s safety, and then return to Goro’s. “Amamiya-san lost you, too.” 

Goro has nothing to say to that.

Aigis cracks a sorrowful smile. “Loss changes people. Even if you reunite with your loved one someday, it doesn’t erase the pain you endured or the fear you will lose them again. Hamuko’s disappearance hollowed me into a shell. Made me wish I was a machine again.” She wraps her arms protectively around herself. “You asked me earlier if I ever missed who I used to be. That would be your answer.”

That single display of vulnerability is overwhelming enough. Goro couldn’t begin to understand her, couldn’t try to rationalize and compartmentalize her.

But Goro still asks: “Why, then, are you not still a machine?” 

“Because,” Aigis says, smiling wider, “I had friends who taught me how to live.”

And, Christ, sometimes it’s really that simple, isn’t it?

“Is that it.” Goro can’t stop the disappointment from leaking into his voice. “More ‘friendship is power’ bullshit? That can’t really be all it took.” 

Something in Aigis’s eyes flickers. “What about it is difficult to understand?”

“… It’s flimsy, at best. Your friends won’t be there for you forever. You’ll outlive them, and then what will you do?”

Aigis, to his surprise, does not at all appear troubled by that fact. “It’s unproductive for me to follow that line of thinking. I have plenty of time to, later. What matters is that they’re here now, and so am I.” She holds a hand to her chest as she says this. “Akechi-san. I think… it’s okay to not have it all figured out right away. It’s good to simply live.”

Goro can feel his hands twitch and clench. “‘Good to simply live?’ Haha… Don’t make me laugh. What good is living with no purpose? No direction? I can’t…” 

He stops abruptly. He hoped to preserve his pride, but Aigis can sense the unspoken— and Goro briefly laments her emotional sensitivity, which should not be as keen as it is— as her eyes spell fondness, her shoulders slumping, as if in _relief,_ of all things. “You can.”

“How do you _know that?”_

“Because you’re not alone,” Aigis says, like it’s obvious. “There are people willing to walk the path of life with you, people who share your pain. And that’s what makes humanity so beautiful to me— the ability to form long-lasting emotional connections. Even if you feel like you’ve lost your reason to live, or you’re living your day-to-day without something to make it special…” 

“The only reason I’m alive right now,” Goro says, voice twisted into a half-snarl and half-something-else (he _refuses_ to name it a sob), “is because of Ren.” 

And Aigis just says, “I know.” She sounds so remarkably patient, it astounds him. “But that’s okay, too. Your being here matters no matter the reason. And… one day, hopefully you can grow to find something else you love.” Aigis smiles. “It was the same for me, after all.” 

What makes it all worse is, Goro knows she’s right. He knows that she understands him in ways no one else can, because they’ve lived similar lives, and all of her experiences are _real_ and he can do nothing to discount that. But then settles the realization that it might not end the same way for him. That he isn’t capable of loving anything else, any _one_ else. That he’s off a path he can’t escape.

And maybe it’s that realization that inspires Goro’s next words: so feeble, so uncertain, that it makes every working cell inside of him want to shrivel up and die. “You’ll tire of me before that happens.” 

Aigis blinks— and then, she _laughs._ Her laugh is like tinkling bells, like wind chimes, like something light and innocent and the perfect weapon in making Goro shut up because he can do nothing but stare and _stare_. “I won’t tire of you, Akechi-san. And I can promise you Hamuko and SEES won’t, either.”

Goro could just scream at her, but instead he feels the onset of tears, which is _not_ something he thought could happen and now that it is he finds himself thoroughly unprepared for it. “Fuck,” he says, pressing into his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, pinching until he can feel the insistent pressure behind his eyes subside. But even as he finishes, Aigis watches him with that kind, understanding smile, completely lacking in all the rigidity he’s come to associate with her.

“Akechi-san,” she murmurs, then holds both hands up in an all-too-familiar gesture. “May I hug you?”

He’s going to strangle her, lack of functional lungs be damned. “No,” Goro hisses, and then pitches forward anyway.

Aigis catches him. He can feel her heartbeat thudding against his temple, and it’s bizarre how much it steadies him, how much it destroys that need to distance himself from the world and from himself. He keeps his hands clenched firmly in his lap instead of reaching up, eyes shut tight against a fresh wave of tears; even without direct touch, he can tell how warm she is. How very human-like her embrace is, how tender.

“I’m afraid I’m not as good at hugging as Hamuko is,” she whispers, which makes Goro let loose an ugly snort. “However, I’ve been practicing. I hope this is sufficient for now.”

Goro manages a tired smirk. “Well, I hate it, by the way.” 

Aigis hums. “I get the impression you don’t hug much people in your life.” 

“Wha—“ He sits up to shove her, and then winces, because _ow._ He somehow forgot she’s still made of metal. “Do you think I _need_ people to coddle me like I’m some kind of child?”

Aigis opens her mouth to answer, then pauses at the sight of something over Goro’s shoulder. When Goro follows the line of her sight, he suddenly realizes why. “Are you hugging Goro-kun without me?” Hamuko hollers from the jungle gym. Before he can even blink, she rushes over with inhuman speed, throwing herself against Goro’s other side and startling Koromaru enough that he starts yelping and jumping at them, too. 

Goro shrieks. He struggles, trying to dislodge the new addition to his body, but Hamuko is stronger than she looks, and he knows this as a frequent victim of it. Then Shinjiro and Ken are making their way over, enveloping them in further warmth, and Goro feels stuffy and overloaded and like he wants to shrink into nothing, but— 

For some reason, he stops struggling entirely. 

“Ah, yes! Group hugs are so nice,” Hamuko says happily, and Koromaru barks in assent. He’s somehow managed to worm his way between the pile of bodies to sit and nuzzle against Goro’s chest, rubbing fur all over his precious coat. Goro is so nice for not pushing them all away.

“Aigis, your shoulders are too hard,” Ken complains. It sounds more like he’s complaining for the sake of complaining, though, because he hugs harder still. 

“I am sorry,” Aigis says anyway. “Maybe I will invest in shoulder pads one day.” 

Shinjiro just grunts and says nothing else.

Eventually, they all pull apart, Goro’s hair and clothes left askew in the aftermath. He avoids making any eye contact as he straightens himself out, discreetly blowing his nose into a napkin, and half-listens to the others’ nonsense ramblings while they prepare to head back to the apartment. This time, when Hamuko holds her hand out to help him up, he accepts; he only realizes how much he misses the fullness of everyone’s hug once her fingers wrap around his. 

* * *

“So,” Hamuko says. 

“So,” Goro says back. 

They elected to take the earliest train back to Tokyo to align Goro’s arrival with Ren’s at the airport; this means Hamuko was up barely before sunrise helping Goro pack his things. Over the weekend, he amassed countless trinkets and keepsakes from SEES that he insisted would become souvenirs for the other Thieves, but Hamuko expects will be selfishly hoarded once in the privacy of his apartment. She knows just how nice it is, after all, to be surrounded by reminders that you’re loved.

“Did you have fun?” Hamuko asks now, rocking back and forth on her heels. She thinks about the way Goro looked this morning: movements slow, expression distant and eyes wandering, like he was committing everything to memory but trying his damnedest not to actually think about it. The way one looks when they know they’re going to miss something, and are dreading it.

It’s the way Hamuko remembers feeling at the peak of Tartarus, bidding farewell to all of her friends.

“It was—” Goro clears his throat. He pretends to check the train schedule so his face is turned away, but Hamuko can still see the flush spill down his neck. “Not boring.” 

It’s clear he isn’t lying, although it’s not the entire truth. Still, she’s brimming with curiosity, and she won’t get another opportunity to ask, so— “Why did you decide to come here in the first place, Goro-kun?” 

Goro flinches imperceptibly. “That’s—”

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Hamuko flounders, and god, why is she so nervous? She hoped, beyond all hope, that his trip here meant something. That as much as he griped and moaned, he found some comfort in their mismatched group, and his jabs at her and her friends were little more than defense mechanisms. To entertain even the tiniest possibility that he _meant_ every word… 

“I just mean…” Hamuko finally says, “if Ren-kun’s purpose for sending you here was to help relieve stress, I want to know if— well, if it was effective in doing that.”

Goro is silent for a moment. Hamuko half-expects him to dodge the question, but he spins on his heel to face her and says, “I’ll be honest.” His tone grates, and Hamuko’s heart squirms into her throat. “The only reason I came was to appease Ren.” 

Her breath surges out of her like a deflated balloon. “Ah… I figured.”

“But,” he says. Hamuko perks up. “I admit that. Being with you all. Made me reconsider.” It’s as if he’s wresting each word out by force, and Hamuko watches this new stilted Goro with slack-jawed awe. “It wouldn’t be off to say that. I… enjoyed your company. And valued our conversations.” 

Hamuko’s eyes are getting a little misty now. “Goro-kun…”

“I just don’t understand one thing,” Goro says, and adopts the look of someone who has been utterly cornered. “Why do you care so much?” 

Hamuko blinks. Is that it? That’s easy enough. “Because we’re friends.” 

Goro’s eyes narrow into slits. “I don’t remember ever saying we were.”

“You don’t have to,” Hamuko chirps. “It’s obvious.” 

“Hmph. Then let me rephrase the question: why do you like me enough to consider me a friend?”

That’s a little less easy, Hamuko admits. She eyes him, feeling an unexpected burst of affection at his shifty eyes and twisted scowl, all things any normal person would find unpleasant but Hamuko finds hopelessly endearing. She imagines it’s the same way people feel about feisty kittens. “Can’t I just say I like you for being you?” 

“People shun me for being me,” Goro says. 

“Don’t say that!” Hamuko pouts. “I’m not lying. I can’t explain it well, but I just feel this kinship with you. I like listening to you talk, and I like talking to you. You always have such interesting things to say. I think… that we have a lot we can learn from each other.” And then her smile morphs into something more mischievous. “Plus, you’re really fun to annoy.”

Goro rolls his eyes. “I’m aware, since you tell me so often.”

Hamuko giggles. “And… you know, I know how it feels to not be honest with yourself. To not be honest with the world. I can’t just let that slide. To be honest, I really want to see you happy. To know that no one else falls victim to the same apathy that swallowed me up…” She realizes a bit too late that she’s sharing more than is probably warranted, but it’s worth it for the look on Goro’s face, incredulous and hopeful in equal measure. 

“A-anyways!” She smiles crookedly, desperate to chase away any ensuing awkwardness. “I’m rambling. Just, um, pretend you didn’t hear that last part, all right?” 

Goro, for what it’s worth, chances a smile back. “Oh, don’t mind me. I’m recording it mentally for future use.”

“Hey!” She glares. Then, an even sillier smile hitches up her face. 

Goro just gapes at her. “What’s that look for?” 

“Nothing! I’m just—” Hamuko laughs. “I’m just happy.” 

Goro stares harder. Eventually, he tears his gaze away, coughing pointedly, but Hamuko can see the semblance of a smile ghosting the corner of his lips, too, and it’s all she ever wanted.

All too soon, the train pulls up, rustling Goro’s hair into something reminiscent of a bird’s nest. And, all too soon, Hamuko comes to terms with how much she’ll miss Goro. He spares her one last glance, ever-unreadable— Hamuko is unfortunately unpracticed in the art of interpreting Goro’s expressions— and then says, “I’ll see you later.” 

_Later._ Hamuko feels full to bursting. “I’ll see you later!” she echoes, waving zealously. Goro scoffs. He turns his back, brushing his hair into place, and enters the train with his shoulders squared, the picture-perfect composition of it burning itself into Hamuko’s memory. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! comments and kudos are greatly appreciated :3
> 
> notes:  
> \- in this universe, hamuko's death is still technically canon— she's just successfully freed from the seal. so, like goro, she's revived from the dead LMAO  
> \- the reason that the pt are acquainted with the IT and SEES is up to interpretation. it could be because they retained their memories of the events in pq2, or met later in some bigger event. the only important part to me is that goro has known SEES long enough to have been slowly incorporated into their group so that they can all give him some love <3  
> \- this initially began as a goro petsits koromaru fic, but i found myself much more drawn to the thing aigis and goro had going on, which... led to this. the koromaru petsitting fic will have to wait!
> 
> i post art and shitpost on twitter [@nonnecheri](https://twitter.com/nonnecheri)! please talk to me about SEES goro and goroham i live for that


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